The 11th hour

This week we got to a point in our Cancer Journey that I knew we might get to but I was praying for a miracle to happen way before we were any where close to it. At what we thought was a routine apt this week the Doctor told him that he could tell by the blood tests that the chemo was NOT working and that his liver is failing pretty rapidly. He told us at that point that there was not much else they could do but he researched and found an oral chemo to try and Gary starts that tomorrow. The realization that if this doesn't work and God does not work a miracle that I could be burying the Love of my life sooner than I imagined. This end point was always in the back of our minds but it was ethrial now it is terribly real if this doesn't work and God doesn't bring healing this is the LAST Christmas I will have with him
:( and at the rate his liver is failing I don't even think he would see February. My heart is breaking into a million more pieces then it was all ready and I am sorta ticked at God I prayed for MONTHS to have a peaceful Christmas these girls of mine need a really good Christmas and now chemo is starting and this desperate need for it to work is just sucking the joy out of Christmas. Please pray for this family for our faith to rise and storm the gates of Hell and snatch our daddy back from deaths hold. Pray for our sweet girls they do not know the severity of things yet I want them to have a Christmas free of worry. Pray that 2011 will hold blessings of health and peace for this family and not the images that seem to flood our imaginations of funerals and a lonely life without him. I am in torment I so desperately want to bring Joy to my girls for Christmas and I cant seem to muster enough joy of my own to barely crack a smile. Thank you all for walking with us thru all this cancer mess and thank you for standing with us now.