Sunday, October 31, 2010




This is my cake for our churchs harvest festival. I had great intentions of this grandios cake but with being at the hospital everyday with Gary last week and the bad news we got I did not have the energy or gumption to do the cake I wanted. I did this cake and I dedicate it to my sweet husband. HOPE it is a hard thing to keep right now with the news of the chemo not working and his liver failing all of us really just want to sit in the corner and cry but with Gods strength we will keep doing what the cake says :)

Friday, October 29, 2010

Gary update 10/29/10

Well the news following the CT scan is not good. The chemo has not been successful. They want to abandon the other chemo regiment and want to start me on a new chemo drug called Topotecan (to-po-TEE-can) starting next week on Monday.

The chemo will be every 3 to 4 weeks "depending", the doctor says. The only down side is that it will be for five days in a row now! So instead of Tuesday-Thursday...every day. I won't complain, especially if it's helping! With it being one drug, it shouldn't take as long as the old chemo.

We're hoping that this will be successful as part of my healing. The doctor said there are fewer side effects and it has been successful in neuroendocrine patients. This is a setback, but I'm holding fast to God's promises.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. They truly help me stay strong in the fight when the temptation sometimes is to want to give up. Knowing so many people are thinking about me is such a great encouragement. God bless you all!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Gary update 10/28/10

I started day 1 of chemo seemingly without a hitch. I casually mentioned to the doctor during my doctor visit that Cindy had noticed a yellowing of my eyes so the doctor decided to recheck my bilirubin levels. He said they were normal two weeks before so he wasn't overly concerned.

Wednesday, we showed up for day 2 thinking it would be just a routine day 2 infusion. We went to head back for infusion when we were told that the doctor wanted to see us first. That left us worried and confused.

The doctor had checked the bilirubin levels and they were significantly up from 2 weeks prior. The doctor's suspicion was that one of the bile ducts was blocked which may or may not be cancer related. He ordered a liver and gall bladder ultrasound which I had this morning to see what we could find out.

The ultrasound came back inconclusive; however, they noted a "thickening" of the liver itself. This has led the doctor to believe that I have either "intrahepatic" or "extrahepatic" metastatic growth, meaning that either tumors are growing inside my liver and pressing on a duct or perhaps tumors are outside my liver pressing on the organ itself and compressing a duct. Either way, this doesn't sound like good news to me.

I go in in the morning for a CT scan to see if we can get some more information. If this is the case, the doctor feels it can be addressed by a change of chemo. I'm just concerned that the chemo I'm getting is supposed to be shrinking the tumors and now we're talking about tumors growing.

I'm discouraged to say the least, but still optimistic. I know the battle is the Lord's and He has the victory! This is hopefully just one more bump in the road to healing. I appreciate your continued thoughts, prayers, and support and for all of the cards I've received. We've hung every card up in my room to look at whenever I feel discouraged or am tempted to give up.

God bless you all!

More Drama






This weekend I noticed Gary's eyes getting yellow and I told him to be sure to ask the doctor about it. He did and they checked and his bilirubin is up and liver function is down. Today he went into the hospital and got a liver ultrasound and when we went into the doctor to get the result they said that the scan showed a thickening in the liver and no blockage. So no blockage is a good thing but it would be an easy thing to deal with unfortunately they believe that the issues are caused by tumors in the liver or outside the liver and pressing on the liver. I am not sure what that means for him. The doc just said that we would have to change the chemo he is going thru but I am not sure what they are going to do to help his liver function. This is yet another bump in the journey please pray for this family as we face this new challenge. Thank you for walking with us on this journey.

Friday, October 22, 2010

A good but hard evening (warning this could cause tears)

Tonight I went with my girls to one of the most beautiful weddings I have seen in a while. It isn't the money spent on a wedding that causes it to be beautiful it is the emotion and the love of the couple and they so had that. The bride comes from an amazing Godly family who have raised their daughter up to be a pure and virtuous young lady and the groom is a wonderful young man who I think is ready to take on the role as head of the house and build a life with his new bride with God as his partner in the marriage. I was sad going in to the wedding tonight but had my happy face on because I am truly so very happy for them but I was sitting alone without my groom and it was hurting pretty bad. I kept the tears to a mild stream all thru the wedding thinking back at the same things that we did in our wedding. The first act as a married couple was taking communion and praying together and remembering just looking at that young man of mine and thinking this is my HUSBAND, HUSBAND cool :) The times that I cried was when the brides daddy gave her away I thought "are my girls going to be able to cry as their daddy lifts their veil", "are they gonna have to tell their daddy not to cry" full well knowing he will ball like such a big baby on their wedding day. Am I going to be able to squeeze my grooms arm as we watch our daughters change their name. Is Merry going to be able to have her daddy daughter dance to "Cinderella" like she wants. The point I broke down into complete embarrassing sobs was when the Grandfather of the bride prayed over the happy couple and asked God be with them till one places the other into Jesus arms. It was a beautiful prayer but for some reason tonight my faith was low and I worried that the day I would have to lay my groom in the arms of Jesus was sooner than I ever imagined and it shattered my heart. I was so glad to have the hugs and friendship of the people at the reception but I bugged out before the bridal party got in there I didn't think falling down into sobs was a good idea lol. I am so glad I got to be apart of this evening I am so happy for these kids and I pray that they will be able to look back in 15 years like us and say that we love each other more deeply and completely than we ever though was possible.
Cassie also told me she did not want me to spend any money on the wedding or dress because the courthouse would be fine I busted out laughing thinking sureky she will change her mind but I am recording it here for posterity :-)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

No chemo yet :(

Well we went to the doctor on Tuesday and Gary's blood counts were way off again so they postponed chemo and gave him several hours of fluids and a shot to boost the red blood cell counts. Wednesday I had to have him at the hospital at 6:30 for a blood transfusion. That went pretty smoothly and we were done and home by 3:30 in the afternoon still a very long day but not near as long as it could have been. When we got home we were blessed by a friend who ordered us some pizza for dinner. After such a long day thay was very welcome and appreciated. It looks like this evening that Gary is coming down with a cold along with the girls. The girls have immune systems so they will be OK but Gary does not have any real immune system left so this will be quite a challenge for him. Chemo should start Tuesday baring any other issues. Please keep this family in your prayers as we continue down this cancer roller coaster. I am so ready to get off the roller coaster :) please pray for Gary that his body fights off this cold and he does not go thru any more procedures or have to get poked any more his poor little body is pretty tired.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Chemo Round 3


Tomorrow starts Chemo round 3 for my sweet man. He has now been horribly ill mostly bed ridden for 8 of the 10 weeks that he has been doing chemo. He is so tired. We have sat up many nights till wee hours talking and me trying to do my best to encourage him and cheer him on. I am afraid that the constant pain in him is starting to take away some of the fight in him. The rest of the family is exhausted as well. The times that I don't spend encouraging him is usually spent holding one child or another crying about how much they just want the old daddy back. This has left me on empty myself I am trying to dig deeper into the Lord and get my strength from HIM but it is so hard when you cant even catch your breath. Life is just wont slow down the trials and tribulations. I wish I could just have enough time to catch my breath. I thank the Lord for friends who help cheer me on I could not do it with out you. Please remember this family in your prayers I know that you continuously lift Gary up for healing but there is a different kind of healing that needs to come in 3 small and one big heart we are all broken and exhausted and are desperately praying for a break.Thanks for running this Marathon with us dear friends

Sunday, October 10, 2010



It has been a VERY long couple of weeks. Thank the Lord there has not been anymore hospital stays. He has felt really awful lately and has been in bed the majority of the time. Fortunately that changed after he had to miss Cassie's birthday dinner. It is a tradition on each persons birthday we go as a family either out to eat or cook something special well Cassie's Birthday was on Wednesday and he felt to weak to go with us out to eat. While we were gone he sat in bed and was racked with sobs he felt so bad about missing dinner. When we were out to eat Cassie passed me the note pictured it made me cry so of course I posted it on my facebook page. When we got home I told him not to look at the pic so of course as all good little boys he looked at it and the sobs started again. We ended up being up till 4 am talking and crying and he just sobbed that he has lost what ever life he had left and it was killing him. The next day Gary woke up 180 degrees different he came into our room and sat with us ,school work with us, watched TV and played with the girls it was like a light turned on. The next day was the same and on Saturday I was the proudest of him that I had been in a long while. He mustard up the strength to go to Target and order Merry's (the second October bday) Bday cake and pick up some prescriptions he rode in a little cart and even rode over and looked at video games. He came home with the biggest smile on his face. It is funny how much we take for granted in life but that simple trip to Target made him feel alive again. On Sunday he started to feel bad again but he was determined not to miss another birthday dinner and he didn't God Love him he felt lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rutt but he did it and it made Merry so happy she was BEAMING sitting next to her daddy and it made all our days. We have a challenging week this week a couple of dr apts and some new meds I have to learn how to give him and a pet scan that will let us know if the chemo is working and what the next treatment step will be if any. We also have the holidays coming up and I know this will be a challenge on many levels for our family not only to make it special but the finances to do so (medical bills are pretty big). God had shown himself so amazing this month we were blessed with a couple of weeks of meals a few restaurant gift cards a new bed (ours was long broken) and a new water heater to replace the one that broke on us.God never ceases to amaze me when I break into a panic about stuff which I do more than I should God just quietly provides in ways I would never imagine. The other day going to the Doctoro Gary was feeling so bad I thought for sure we were headed to the hospital I sat in the drivers seat and prayed God let me know if a hospital stay is in our future if he will avoid the hospital let the next song be a Davis Crowder Band song ( I know using fleeces like Gideon did is not what a mature Christian would do but I was desperate). When we got to the doctor they took one look at him and put him in a wheel chair and wheeled him right back to an exam room where he proceeded to get sick and I was so defeated I thought there is no way they are not going to hospitalize him but they said his blood counts were ok but he was dehydrated and gave him fluids and he felt better and we went home. God used that time to remind me when HE tells me something I need to have faith in HIM that he will follow thru with what He promised.

This week Lord remind me to listen to the words that you have spoken over this family and help me have the faith to believe you for everything and thank you Lord for always finding new ways to suprise me with your blessings you are a great daddy :)