A Caregivers Rant

Well we are at day 10 of the Affinitor it has been the most difficult chemo for Gary up to this point.He has been nauseous and has generally felt yucky but it is taxing his body so much he is barely awake anymore. It shatters my heart to be in his room and chatting with him his voice is barely over a whisper the majority of the time and he can barely stay awake and often falls asleep in mid conversation. He has not been able to shower in three weeks so I have been sponge bathing him. He is now experiencing almost debilitating pain in his hips and making it near impossible to even sit up for long much less walk around. The kids say they miss "fat daddy" since he is now over a 100 ponds lighter since Sept 10. They asked me tonight how are we going to take our Easter pictures this year since Daddy isn't with us at church?,that broke my heart this will be the first Easter in 20 years I will celebrate Easter without him. I now have it all on my shoulders His care, the home,the kids, upkeep of the home, finances everything. Gary and I used to be the perfect example of a marriage we were partners in every way but now bless his heart all he has in him is going to fight this disease. I think the kids have caught a clue to how overwhelmed I am and have been less needy and more helpful. I want our old life back I am tired of this one. I miss my husband so much, he is right in the next room but he cant come and snuggle anymore or fuss at me for spending to much money he cant do anything. He still is here but in away I have all ready lost him. This cancer just needs to go back to hell where it came from and leave us alone. God please strengthen my sweet mans body to fight this cancer and strengthen his spirit to fight depression. Lord please also help the girls and I we are all empty we need your touch Lord.

The Drug Finally Came

Well it took a solid week of fussing and fuming but the drug is now in our hot little hands :). Gary has now taken 4 doses it has caused him some liver pain and tummy issues but we are taking that as a good sign. Thank you for your continud prayers as he tries to fight this disease I have had my own battle learning to do the checkbook, learning to hook up a dvd player learning to do the things he used to it is sad and so very overwhelming. I never knew how much faith Gary had till I started doing the checkbook and now I realize he had to have an amazing faith to have gotten us this far with our finances lol. This whole family is tired overwhelmed and anxiety filled. Please pray for provision for this family as well as peace I miss peace :) God bless yall.

Answered Prayer

Thanks to a God that can move mountains and insurance companies and a very determined doctor the drug was approved.... ( yeahhhhh) It should arrive via mail in the next couple of days thank you Lord. Gary's spirits are mixed he is glad that he is able to use this drug but the is cautiously optimistic about its effectiveness. He is actively preparing me to live without him balancing checkbooks and such. He was lower than a snake in a wagon rut last week then he received a visit from one of the pastors at church and that really helped. He seems at least happy now which is a huge improvement over last week. I thank God that He is a miracle working God and as long as there is breathe in Gary's body there is still HOPE and that is what we are clinging to right now that HOPE. Thank you again for helping pray that insurance mountain away for us to get that new drug may this one be the key to his healing.