I had a meeting today with my two friends that are heading up the work day at my house on Saturday.I found out that we get to get carpet in our family room. This room is 380 square feet and has the nastiest carpet with no pad at all and now it is going to be replaced with a beautiful tanish carpet. My girls are so so thrilled about their rooms their inspirations for their room is the other picture. We are also going to get the torn nasty flooring up in our kitchen replaced. These two spaces will make such a HUGE difference in our house it is going to just breathe some life back into our house. On the agenda is a bunch of yard clean up, furniture moving and garage cleaning. We are going to get rid of two broken sofas and will be down to one so we are going to have to get creative for sitting in that room but to FINALLY see that room looking good is truly a dream come true :). I am also excited that my sister is coming in tomorrow she and her husband are going to be here to help us with some prep work and they will be here to help on the work day too. I promise I will post before and after shots so you all can see my house go from sad to glad :).
Unfortunately where there is excitement there is also GREAT fear. This week is the week I have been fearing since before Christmas the week I am going to have to pay bills with less than HALF of what Gary's paycheck was. Mortgage is not getting paid at all and I am praying for a miracle in paying the rest of the bills. I woke up this morning at 6:30 and just sat in bed worrying how in the heck am I going to pay everything and what bills can I fudge on what bills HAVE to get paid. "Should I go and try to get a job?", but how would I work with Gary needing me so much and the kids, not sure what I would do with them. I ran through every scenario in my head and came up with no good solution. I hate to admit this but I HATE "trusting God" I want to do it. Like the meals that are so generously being prepared for us I would MUCH rather make you a meal then accept a meal given to us it is easier to be the giver not the givee in the same way it is easier to put your trust in yourself then put your trust in God. During my early morning worry session I was really hoping God would come down and give this great Mosaic type proclamation about finances and working and how in the heck I am gonna pay my bills but instead he told me Psalm 121:1 and 2 "I will lift mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth." So this week I am going to enjoy the love that will be showered onto this family on Saturday pray blessings on all that help make that day possible and look to the maker of heaven and earth to help me pay my bills, heal my husband and help my girls and see us through this difficult time.

The Lighter side of life

Things have been pretty heavy lately.A bunch of worries about health and money. Last week my ten year old read my blog and spent the entire day doing her best Damian imitation until we had a nice talk that night. So with all the heavy posts filled with concerns and prayer requests I want to take a minute and remember the Gary that cancer hasn't taken away but has hid him lately enjoy this video of Gary's truly wonderful singing skills ;)

Stuff on my Mind

It has been a challenging couple of weeks. Gary's health has been "iffy" at best, I have been warned by the Hospice nurse that this is how people act right before they die :( He has another bought of blood in his urine which scared the stew out of us all, this was not tainted slightly this was solid blood. Luckily the antibiotics did the trick so I am assuming that it was just another UTI.

Something happened today that really got me worried. He grabbed my hand right before I was about to run a few errands held on to it tighter that he had for a long time, started crying and said don't be long please. He hasn't EVER done that before I just looked at him and he was afraid of being without me. On one hand that makes me feel loved that he values my presence so much that it upsets him when I am not there but on the other hand it makes me feel horrible because I have three teenagers that have to maintain a sense of normalcy and have places to go and people to see and they want mommy there to be with them. How am I supposed to do it all? How do I split my time and attention up? How do I make everyone feel as loved as they are? I told Gary this week I really wish I could clone myself! I could use one to be his wife one to be the girls mom and one to handle all the administrative crap I have to go thru to get stuff started disability wise for Gary.

I also have my mortgage on my mind how in the world am I gonna pay it the next three months till social security comes through, this scares the girls too they worry we will be homeless. I try to tell them and myself (I need reminding) that God has blessed us abundantly and he will continue to look out for us. My favorite saying is God watches out for children and fools and we have both over here lol. It is amazing how heavy money issues can weigh on your mind the shoe box of medical bills, schooling in the fall, birthdays and so on and so on. I know that verse about consider the lilies and I believe it, I have seen it so abundantly the last two years God continuously surprises us with blessings. I even have a bunch of the blessings chronicled here on this blog but just as obstinate as the Israelites were I continuously doubt God. When I see a Red Sea of "stuff" that threatens to drown us it is hard to remember that God can part the sea and let you walk over on dry land.

One amazing blessing in our life is a work day that some dear friends are organizing. They are coming into our home and help fix it up and mend all the things that have been neglected the last few years while our minds have been consumed with cancer. They even have the first donation that will help make this day a reality. The people that are organizing this and will work it and the people who donate to make it happen have no idea the fresh air this will breathe into our family it will allow us to just take a deep breathe and relax :) So I pray all Gods blessings on all that have any part in this day I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am going to be completely selfish and ask for your prayers for me this week I am having to be all things to all people, figure out how to make some money while not leaving the house and a host of other things that my brain hurts to much to think about. I have been doing alot of that stuff for quit a while and the problem is I am exhausted emotionally, physically and in all other ways I need a new touch from God one that will help me to finish the race He has before me.

Look for lots of pictures and maybe even a video from that work day that has us all excited here :)

Another serious prayer request is that I found out Hospice wont pay for Affinitor and our doc wont help because they say hospice has to do it and I am not sure how we are going to get another round of it. This is just another thing Satan is using to slowly morph me into Ms Clause.

Thank you all for walking this Journey with us. draft

It has been a rough couple of weeks in the Schriver house. Daddy has felt really bad and has had a lot of problems we had to address. Hospice has been an invaluable recourse for us we have had to call the 24 hour hot line 3 times in the last 2 weeks and they have come to the house and even had medications delivered (a service I could grow fond of :). We have noticed this week a marked decrease in Gary's strength he sleeps the majority of the time rarely if ever gets out of bed and hasn't eaten solid food in 2 weeks. Last night I brought him apple sauce in a pouch and said lets eat something, he was being an obedient husband (took me 16 years to train him lol) and began to choke on the apple sauce he even ended up aspirating some of it and threw up everywhere. Seeing times like that make me worry and it has made the girls worry that daddy isn't getting any better and in fact he is declining. My girls have been such a help to me taking care of Daddy they love to call me a wimp because I cannot stand vomit or bodily fluids it makes me gag but they have no problem with it and they LOVE taking the pail Daddy throws up in and wave it under my face they think seeing me squirm is hilarious. My girls don't come to me and share because they know it makes me upset but they go to my mom and share and now they have phones so they text other family members and that is so invaluable for them they need that. We have had to deal with some pretty significant behavioral issues lately which I know is totally common but when you are all ready stressed to the max you tend to have behavioral issues back. I have filled my days with apt we have some kind of Hospice person pretty much everyday come besides emergencies and then in my spare time I have books of paper work to fill out. I was able to get his disability insurance from work started but we are still waiting on social security. Please be in prayer that they approve his claim and soon so we can continue to make our mortgage payment.
We were so worried this month about making our mortgage and God just timed payments to where we are able to make our mortgage and even pay some registration fees for the kids school in the fall so I know God will come through with social security but prayers are still appreciated. Also please pray for strength for all of us and patience and a supernatural peace to be on us all during this time. Everything the kids know and feel safe in is being threatened with Daddy being sick. My security too we had a perfect life he was the bread winner and paid the bills and yelled at me when I spent to much money and I took care of the home and the kids and schooled them and we were partners in everything we were a team now its just me paying bills running the house (my Mom is a life saver with the house) taking care of the kids, of him coordinating His care organizing the paper work attempting to earn some income on top of all the stuff with the kids and I am slowly being worn out I have not slept for more than a couple of hours every night this week constantly checking on Gary or helping him through some depression issues, wrangling kids who are on edge making sure they don't miss if daddy needs them. We are a huge mess right now and so prayers are so appreciated. We are all having to remind ourselves that our security,mortgage payment and money all comes from Gods hands and He has not let us down Thank you Lord for walking with us through this fiery furnace but anytime you want to let us out of the furnace that would be great too.