I have been thinking allot today about what effect not having a Daddy in their teenage years will have on my girls. I know as a mom I lost my partner where I lacked in parenting he made up for, we were kinda like the tag team wrestlers of parents. Now I am doing it all alone and not always as well as I hoped. I hear all the time that kids without a Dad in the picture are more likely to join a gang or commit suicide. I pray that the decade plus they DID have a Daddy will help ease them through but I worry so much about them. Today in the car my girls asked me do I want to still approve all their dates or do I trust them. At first I thought they were giving me a hard time because they always knew Daddy expected to meet a guy and approve him before they dated, but they were honestly asking. I told them that totally I expect the same thing that Daddy expected that a boy will come to me and ask permission of me. That is just one example of about a million different situations that they learned from the day they were born Daddy was going to handle and now :(. I am acutely aware that our entire life is going to forever change but I think daily we run into scenarios that they question what is it going to be now?? From the day they were born Daddy dreamed about crying his eyes out as he walked them down the isle and that became a treasured mental picture for the girls. I can remember being at my moms house when the girls were around 9-12 and they tried on my wedding veil. When they came out for Daddy's approval he would stand up with a tear in his eye and lift the veil and kiss them and pertended to give them to an awaiting groom. Now they aren't sure how that picture is going to look when it really happens. I think after 5 months we are all so grateful for the time that we had with that wonderful man and would never change a moment (okay maybe the moment cancer went from a word to a death sentence). We are now to the point of grieving the moments we will never have. Daddy teaching them to drive, putting the fear of God into any of their dates, sitting across the table from the young man that wants to be their groom and making sure that young man loves them like Christ loved the church, crying his eyes out trying to keep it together as he walked them down an isle to give them away, that daddy daughter dance. How are all those moments going to look like?? I heard the analogy that loosing someone is like when someone has something amputated they do heal but they are never the same. Clearly we will NEVER be the same and it is scary all for of us had this mental picture of how life's events will unfold now we have no idea. I do know that I have the next 9 years of 3 girls going into different stages of teenageness and they will be doing it without a Dad. I ask that you remember my girls and that when they need it God will provide a godly man to be that influence on them that they need so much. Gary before he died would spend a lot of time interceding for the godly men that will need to step up for the girls and for the man that would one day serve as their step dad (ask me and I will tell you what special quality he asked God to give him for me) , I told him he better be praying allot about the godly men in their life because there is no other man in this world that would equal to him and after the best I could never settle for less. I miss him so much I miss the love and encouragement from him. I miss when the girls saw me crying over something and called me a baby he would chime in and say don't make fun that is my favorite part of mommy her tender heart. Gary I love and adore you thank you for leaving us with 2 decades of amazing wonderful memories and thank you for all the seeds that you put into the girls and I. Now I have a new mental picture of meeting Gary as I come one day (a long time from now) into heaven and hearing him say I am so proud of you sweetheart and come let me introduce you to Jesus ..
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