In the midst of what you are going to read Gary got his socks blessed off yesterday at his birthday party. He was surrounded by friends and family all celebrating with him and laughing and loving it was an amazing time. Thank you to all who came you will never know how much you contributed to the Garys moral..

This week has been a tough one . Gary has been in such unbearable pain that he has had to be on so many pain meds that he is only awake for a few hours a day . Its funny we have been congratulated all week on the good news that things have not spread but the cancer has intensified where it is and is hurting him so much the good news of no spreading doesn't seem so good. It is so hard to see him go thru so much and so hard on the whole family the kids are having to keep quiet while daddy sleeps and all the things we used to do together now I have to do alone the majority of the time. Wednesday I take him for a bone scan to see if he is a candidate for the systemic radiation and hopefully Thursday or Friday we will go back to the oncologist and start whichever kind of radiation he needs. Last round of radiation he cried in my arms saying he couldn't do anymore radiation. The pain has been so severe this time he is actually asking when can we start the radiation. This has been such a long haul and I think the whole family is just so tired, we all know to what radiation does to daddy and we are all nervous about seeing him go thru that again but it is necessary. Please pray strength for this family spiritually, mentally and physically and most of all continue to pray for Gary ,bless his heart ,he is trying so hard to be there the best that he can be and it is so hard for him not to be able to do the things that he wants to do and also please pray which ever radiation they choose for him it will work quickly and effectively.

Lord Jesus thank you for walking with us thru this storm I know your hand holding our is the only reason we have not sunk below the waves thank you Lord Jesus

Gary update - 5/29/10

I went to see my radiation oncologist yesterday. We were so glad that everything he said matched almost verbatim with what the radiation oncologist in Tampa had said on Wednesday.

He said that one of the main reasons a bone scan is the best way to determine if I'm a candidate for the Samarium or not is that the bone scan contrast uses the same medium that is used by the Samarium, so if the cells uptake the contrast, they will also uptake the Samarium. So if the lesions show dark meaning no uptake, I am not a candidate and if they light up, then I am a candidate.

Gary update - 5/26/10

Well I had my appointment at Moffitt today. Overall the news is very good. The latest contrast CT scan I had today showed no difference from the scan done in January. No new lesions have formed and it does not appear that the existing lesions have grown. The doctor admitted that it is difficult to tell with bone lesions whether they have truly grown or not, but there has been no spreading. Praise God!

The main point of our discussions centered around my latest pain developments. I have been having increasing pain in both shoulders which radiates down my arms and up into my neck, making it difficult to turn my head and giving me chronic headaches as well. The pain is worse on the right side, but it is present on both sides to some degree. The doctor said that, although the CT scan showed no new lesions, that does not mean that the existing ones may not have increased in intensity or depth, so he is certain that the cause of the shoulder and neck pain is due to the cancer. More radiation is going to be necessary, but the exact type needs to be determined.

Next Week

It is Saturday and I am sitting here thinking about all that is going to happen this next week.  Sunday thanks to Gods provision we are getting our car fixed.. It has had a radiator hose leak which makes the car run hot sometimes and we have to stop and fill the radiator with water, you can live with it thru town but when you have to travel lonely country roads to get to Tampa it gets a little scary, so I am so grateful that is getting fixed. Also on Sunday I get to watch my baby sing in the ensemble at church, I love watching him sing. Then the week hits a low point on Wednesday we head early in the morning back to Tampa for yet another doctors appointment and scan. This scan will be compared with the one a couple of months ago to judge how fast the cancer (notice I said the not Gary's)  has spread and where he will need radiation to help slow the growth down . Then Thursday I get to graduate two students from level one cake decorating they have been so fun to watch so I am looking forward to that. Friday is another low point we go to the radiation oncologist office ( did you ever think there were so many types of oncologists) to schedule the amount and frequency of the radiation. This is what I am really dreading 6 more weeks maybe of radiation the last six weeks just about killed him and me, by the end we were just so dragged down we were numb and I don't want that again but I know that is what he needs and if it will help his pain and slow that nasty cancer down it is worth it. I am just going to have to really plan for this one..Luckily my week will end on a high note we are going to have lunch on Sunday with a few of our dear friends some old ones some new to celebrate Gary's birthday. His birthday was actually April 30th but we were on our Memories of Love trip and when we got back his grandmother passed away so between those we are just able to get to his party. This will truly be a celebration of the strength and character that he has shown going thru all this cancer nonsense. I am really proud of him how he has maintained his faith and strength and continues to wage war against cancer everyday I am so proud to be his wife and cannot wait to celebrate him next Sunday. So there you have it the picture of a true roller coaster week. Lord have mercy and help us getthru with what little sanity we have left :)

Our last Art Therapy

Last night was our last art therapy and boy was it a heavy one. Gary and I have managed to keep the tears to a minimum thru the sessions but lost it last night.The kids wrote get well cards to Daddy which in themselves would have made you cry. Things like "I want to go camping with you again daddy" and "I just want you to feel good again". The things that made us loose it was our letters to each other. I told him how every time I saw an old couple walking hand in hand I plead with God to give me that gift with him. And how he was my prince charming and the keeper of my heart and I wished him complete health and no matter I will stand with him hand in hand thru what ever comes our way.. His letter made me cry at the time but made me breakdown latter that night I have to admit I need to reread the letter to get all that it said but the thing that shattered my heart was he said "if the worse happens I want you to find someone who will love you and the kids and be happy" He told me those are things that I wanted to get down on paper so you can never question what I want .. I only cried a little at the time but his written words rang in my head all night long and right before bed the flood gate of tears just burst..
Last week we found out that Gary's Cancer is spreading and May 26th we will find out exactly how much. May 28th he goes back to the Radiation oncologist to schedule more radiation. I am terrified that on the 26th the doctors will tell him that the cancer has spread so much that there is nothing more they can do. I know I need to put my trust in the Lord and I know that no matter the next step in our road God will be there HE always has been but I am tired and it is so hard. I barely made it thru the last round of radiation with out loosing my mind how are we going to get thru another round.

Lord of Heaven hear our cry and give us your peace that passes all understanding and help us to seek the refuge in your hands.

Gary update - 5/7/10

Our vacation to Orlando went very well. We visited Animal Kingdom and Sea World. Sea World was unmercifully hot, so hot that we left early. Fortunately we've been there before enough times that we didn't miss anything we hadn't been to before. It's amazing that there is virtually no shade in the entire park!

On Friday, my birthday of all days, despite a good day having breakfast with SpongeBob and other Nick characters and a great day playing in the pool with the kids, I began to slowly develop pain in my right shoulder. At first I thought little of it -- I assumed I had pulled a muscle or something. Sea World was Saturday, and we planned to go to Magic Kingdom on Sunday. Unfortunately, my shoulder got worse, radiating pain into my neck and mid back. We were also still worn out from the heat exhaustion from Sea World. Even the kids just wanted to hang at the hotel on Sunday. Fortunately the tickets are good for two weeks, so the plan is to head to the Magic Kingdom tomorrow and spend the day there, assuming that I can tolerate it.

My shoulder, back, and neck pain continued to worsen throughout this week. I finally went to the ER Wednesday morning because the pain was radiating into my head and my rib cage, making it difficult to breathe. The ER doctor was unfortunately and to put it diplomatically, a moron! He said that it was a neck sprain -- simple soft tissue trauma. We tried to explain with the bone cancer, it may not be so simple, but he didn't want to do a CT scan or x-ray because in his words, "you've already had enough radiation".

He prescribed prescription strength Ibuprofen, Lortab, and Valium (which he said is a good muscle relaxant). Of course the Valium has left me very tired and I was told not to drive, so I've been working from home this week.

Today I had a follow up appointment with my radiation oncologist. We explained the neck and shoulder pain I've been having. He agreed that the ER doc was an idiot and should have done a scan. He reviewed my last scans and said that there are cancerous lesions in my right collarbone and shoulder blade. He is sure that the pain is not soft tissue but is likely cancer related. That wasn't what we wanted to hear.

We explained that I'm going to Moffitt on 5/26 for a CT scan and the doctor there doesn't want to do the scan until all of the previous radiation side effects are gone. As such, my radiation oncologist wants to wait until after Moffitt to revisit my shoulder issue. I will meet with him again on 5/28. It is likely that I will need to undergo radiation treatments in my shoulder. The doctor doesn't anticipate any side effects from that except for fatigue, which I'm getting used to.

So once again things are up in the air. The doctor is going to speak with my doctor at Moffitt to see where to go from here. With the drugs I'm taking, they're keeping the shoulder and neck pain under control, but I know I can't stay on the Valium and function. I don't know if we'll be able to make it to the Magic Kingdom tomorrow like we've planned or not. I'm doing a little better today, so here's hoping.

We appreciate your continue thoughts and prayers. I know with the Lord's help and your support, we will make it through this.

Our Trip so far ....

Wow was this an amazing tip so far. Wednesday we went to Animal Kingdom , Thursday we decided to spend swimming in there gigantic pool and rest (what we needed most), Friday was Gary's 41st birthday and we started the morning off with a character breakfast. That was so much fun . We laughed when Squidward came out Merry screamed and went to hug him and as she did Dora came out and she did a 360 and yelled DORA and left poor Squidward hanging he looked at us and shrugged his shoulders. It was so cute after she realized what she did she worried all thru breakfast that she needed to go make things right with the dissed squiddy. All the kids participated in a parade with he characters and Daddy even got up and let them sing happy birthday nick style to him. When the characters came around Merry and Annie greeted them all with joy and all of them gave Gary hugs and Cassie ignored them it was beneath her 11 year old self to hug a person in a suit. Well when squidward came back around Cassie wouldn't hug him and he began to play with her hair and annoyed her to know end it was awesome Gary and I were cheering for squiddy ( we are horrible I know). We swam some and watched the pool side show. Cassie got picked for the day before show and even got slimmed. Friday was Annie's turn on the show but her team lost and she didn't get slimmed. We them all went and got tattoos, good family binding tehe, then we went to a special birthday show with spongebob and got our family pic taken with him. We all laughed that all the kids had their ages on the buttons while Garys just had what was either a bow or an infinity sign :) After the show Gary took the girls and played in the arcade with them. Then as per our family tradititon Gary got to choose dinner we went to the Outback we LOVED it the kids were not impressed so we decided for the money Outback will remain a date night treat. Today the kids crashed a girl scout pool party downstairs while we let daddy sleep in (he was not feeling well) then we went to Sea world fun park HOT day both Gary and I started to get dehydrated and felt horrible by the end of the day. Annie and Merry had a sleepover tonight and I felt bad they were as dehydrated as sus and so did not want to go, hopefully they will have fun. Tomorrow we plan to swim the morning away and then hit Disney in the afternoon. Poor Gary is in some real pain so I am not sure how tomorrow will work out but the tickets are good till May 13 so we have options if the big Guy is in a bad way tomorrow. Over all this has been an amazing restful recharging time. We have all so needed a break from all the stress of Cancer and life and this trip has done that for us no work,school or house issues NOTHING but rest and relaxation. Thank you Memories of Love for giving us a wonderful opportunity to build these amazing memories with our children. Ahh now to go back to that hard life of R and R. Hugs and Kisses from Orlando's Nick Hotel