Last night was our last art therapy and boy was it a heavy one. Gary and I have managed to keep the tears to a minimum thru the sessions but lost it last night.The kids wrote get well cards to Daddy which in themselves would have made you cry. Things like "I want to go camping with you again daddy" and "I just want you to feel good again". The things that made us loose it was our letters to each other. I told him how every time I saw an old couple walking hand in hand I plead with God to give me that gift with him. And how he was my prince charming and the keeper of my heart and I wished him complete health and no matter I will stand with him hand in hand thru what ever comes our way.. His letter made me cry at the time but made me breakdown latter that night I have to admit I need to reread the letter to get all that it said but the thing that shattered my heart was he said "if the worse happens I want you to find someone who will love you and the kids and be happy" He told me those are things that I wanted to get down on paper so you can never question what I want .. I only cried a little at the time but his written words rang in my head all night long and right before bed the flood gate of tears just burst..
Last week we found out that Gary's Cancer is spreading and May 26th we will find out exactly how much. May 28th he goes back to the Radiation oncologist to schedule more radiation. I am terrified that on the 26th the doctors will tell him that the cancer has spread so much that there is nothing more they can do. I know I need to put my trust in the Lord and I know that no matter the next step in our road God will be there HE always has been but I am tired and it is so hard. I barely made it thru the last round of radiation with out loosing my mind how are we going to get thru another round.
Lord of Heaven hear our cry and give us your peace that passes all understanding and help us to seek the refuge in your hands.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
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You will get through because you will take one step at a time. It's no good (looking ahead), our imaginations get out of control. Today, Today, Today, we're still standing and....never alone. Though, it's hard to see it right now, these are precious times. Times you will neither ever forget. You said it well, You just can't go wrong trusting the Lord...He's already in tomorrow....and, He's still standing. Thank you so much for sharing your hearts. You are loved.
ReplyDeleteWhat a heart wrenching post, I am just crying as I read your words. I love you my sweet, sweet sister. please do not give up, I believe that God is going to surprise us with His wonderous power. You are being prayed for, I hope you can feel the strength coming from God's supernatural power and love for His children.
ReplyDeleteI love you all, Barby