The Marathon is getting LONGER

We are about to head into the second full week of radiation. The side affects have begun he is extremely tired all the time. He is very nauseous and is having swallowing problems. On top of all that his liver pain is increasing in severity and so is his shoulder pain. We are going to talk to the doctor tomorrow about adding in the shoulder to this radiation session. It will make him a little sicker but better to get as much over at a time as possible. It rips my heart out to see him go thru all the pain and suffering but it also makes me love him so much more because I know that he is fighting this as hard as he is so that he can always be there for me and his daughters. As if all the stress on this family is not enough my vehicle died this week. We have decided to take out a loan for a few thousand dollars to try to find a good used car. But we cant afford to make a mistake with this we need a car that will be there when we need to take Gary to appointments or to Tampa so we need God to put a neon sign over the used car for us :)

I am not sure what this week will hold for us I am not sure how much worse his side affects will get but I do know God is with us. We went to church today and let our spirits be refreshed in the love of God and the Love of the people at at church.
Thank you Lord for being our strong tower and refuge so that in these incredibly troubled times you always provide a place for us to be refreshed.

Whats Happening ......

Well it is the weekend and we have survived the deep (and I mean deep) depression of finding out the cancer has spread to the liver all the pre radiation tests and 2 days of radiation. That and I survived the addition of a week of vbs for the kids, taking them to church, stumbling thru my song for asl class, taking Gary to his appointments and taking the kids to swim team (God helped me out with rain showers for most of that :) I could not have done it with out some angels this week we have had 2 meals brought to us at just the right time when we needed it most and Gary's brother Michael and his wife Christina took some of the stress of me and took Gary to some of his non radiation appointments. We had an angel of a man and his brother come and mow our lawn. I also was able to chat with so many people in person and over facebook so any time I felt alone someone would be there to let me know I was not. I think it is really funny how you can be under so much stress that you just want to sit in the corner and cry and feel incredibly blessed all at the same time. We are defiantly living life on a day by day basis right now people have asked what I am going to do about this issue or that and just say when I know I will let you know. I am thankful for my mom living with us or we would not have any clothes to wear at all :) People have asked us how they could help us and I think the first thing is to continue to pray for wisdom, health and wise doctors. As far as anything else if anyone ever wants to bring a meal for us that would be such a blessing to me by the end of the day I have been so stressed and so out of energy that dinner has consisted of take out for us most nights. I am grateful for all the notes and calls and prayers we have received you all have held our hands up when we just could not do it by ourselves and I could never tell you how grateful we are. I know that with all of our wonderful family and friends and the most awesome church ever we will get thru this and we will have such a celebration the day that our faith becomes our eyes and we see Gary healthy and cancer free..

How I feel????

How do you feel?? As soon as we made it back to the room after finding out about the Liver Cancer the social worker came in and asked me that question and well at the time my answer was "like a mac truck just ran us over". We talked for a few minutes and then she let us alone to talk and the first thing out of Gary's mouth was "we really need to speed up you finishing your college". At that point fear set in, not about college I want to do that but fear over the motive for him asking that. The motive was with this news I know I am going to die and I want you to be able to care for yourself and the kids when I am gone. I got a little perturbed at him and told him not to ever think that way again or I will kill him!!! Once we got home I think the answer to how I feel changed to overwhelmed, I have three kids who don't understand why daddy is in so much pain and sleeps all the time. They just do not know how to handle whats going on with daddy and it is up to me to help them understand and deal with all that is happening. We are starting to see some behavioral issues and I know it is because of Daddy being sick but I am lost to try to help. I am waiting to hear the dreaded question again "is Daddy going to die?" Last time I got that question I told them honestly we are never guaranteed tomorrow so we just have to live and appreciate today. Today Gary woke up with an even more severe pain in his Liver the pain was so bad that he even had trouble breathing. The answer to the how your feeling question today was a numb fear. We had to call the doctors and they told us the radiation in the spine was more severe and the liver could wait till first of August. They gave him a pain patch that is supposed to be pretty powerful the prescription had to have the fact that he is a cancer patient on it for them to fill it. They did and now we are waiting the 18 hours it takes to start kicking in. I pray that when it does it will kick in big time and help him to feel better.This evening as I wasted time on Facebook games I was overwhelmed at the out pouring of love and help we received. It is such a blessing to know that the people that are telling us that they are praying for us are not just saying that and they truly are storming the heavens with us for his healing. We are both so tired and overwhelmed it is so wonderful to know that just like Moses did we have people holding our arms up. Tonight Gary really wanted a strawberry milk shake and he hadn't felt like eating anything all day so I went out and got him a milkshake at midnight ( thank God for steak and shake on the corner open 24 hours) I sat in the car for a few minutes just listening to the radio and one of my favorite songs came on and the verse goes "separated until the veil was torn moment that hope was born and guilt was conquered once and for all ...." That day hope was born so no matter what the doctors say they cannot take away my hope they aren't the ones who gave it to me to begin with!!!!
Tonight I am physically and emotionally exhausted I am overwhelmed at the gravity of the situation we are in, I am worried how everyone will cope with the challenges ahead, but I am hopeful that no matter what the next year holds for this family God has our back and will hold us in the palm of His hands. I am grateful for the people HE has placed in our lives that are coming in and relieving some of the pressures. Thank you Lord for ripping that veil and birthing hope for a hopeless world and thank you that even when my situation seems hopeless there is always hope in you. Thank you Lord for the people in our lives whose simple conversations have made such a difference in us and they will never now the impact they have had on our lives and our faith.

Gary update 6/9/10 - Not good news

I went in today for my PET scan and mapping for my upper spinal radiation. I am due for my "film check" this coming Wednesday, June 16, then my radiation will start the following day, Thursday, June 17, every weekday morning. I forgot to ask how many treatments it will be. I am assuming 20 like last time, but I'll talk to the doctor to be sure.

By far the most surprising and shocking news is what else the PET scan showed. I nonchalantly mentioned to the doctor that I had been having pain in my side a little but it wasn't close to any bone. We went and reviewed the PET scans and we discovered that the cancer has spread to my liver.

Gary update - 6/4/10 - Disappointed

We met with my radiation oncologist today to go over the bone scan results. In a nutshell, nothing showed up, meaning that I am NOT a candidate for the Samarium. We will have to go the traditional external radiation route.

The waiting Game yet again

Today I took Gary for what was supposed to be a quick bone scan done for the sole purpose to see if his bones soaked up the agent that the contrast is given in if it does than it is the same agent they deliver the radiation with so he would be a candidate for the systemic radiation (confusing I know basically scan is positive they will do systemic if it is not they will do external beam radiation). We got there and he came out in just a couple of minutes and he told me they gave him a shot and we have to come back in two hours, not what I wanted to hear but okay so we went to a local bakery and rewarded our patience with a goodie. We went back and they scanned him then made him wait then the radiologist said he wanted a few more pictures. They took pictures of his hips,ribs,spine and shoulders and made him wait until those were looked at. We were there from 10 - 3. We left EXHAUSTED and for Gary even more pain then he was all ready. Now we have to wait till Friday to find out about the scans and why all the other pictures. So it is hurry up and wait yet again we should be getting used to that lol. I could try to guess about things but I am just going to give it all to God whichever radiation he gets will be tough on him and God will be the one who sees us all thru...

Thank you so much God for seeing us thru every step of the road and I know you will help us down this new avenue we are going to have to go down. I look forward to the day when he walks in the healing I know you have for him, until then thank you Lord for not letting the storms over take us.