The Journey is done.....

Today we went to the cementary with all of Gary's family and laid our sweet man to rest. He was cremated last week and we decided to wait till the weekend to do the service so his brothers could be there too. It was very short very sweet but very difficult. It has all seemed almost surreal until we actually saw his ashes and saw them placed into the niche then reality hit pretty hard. He is gone and now we have to figure out how to live again.
My ten year old had a cow this past week when I changed my marital status on facebook to widowed she got in my face and said "YOU ARE STILL MARRIED" I had to tell her in my heart I will be married for ever but for my healing and sanity (or lack there of) I needed to change that as a small step toward the future. It seems so weird to be standing at this point in my life facing a future that is really uncertain. I have spent the last 16 years creating the future that I thought was going to be my forever spending my days focusing on my girls education and being a wife and mom but now I am not sure what normal is going to look like. My little one asked me today "who is the breadwinner in the family now" I told her right now God has been the bread winner we haven't had any pay since July 16th but somehow we have met bills and was able to get all the stuff the kids have needed for school and we have not missed a meal, so Yeah God.
Please continue to pray for the girls and I as we spend this next year reinventing ourselves and discover what this new normal is going to be for us. We all miss Gary every second of every day but we know that HE would want us to not stay in mourning and live and fulfill the things that God has in store for us. He always told me God has big things for you Baby don't miss them. I am such a better person for knowing and loving that sweet wonderful man he has left such an amazing legacy and thanks to that I know he will never be far.