:( just :(

Wow life just continues to get more and more difficult. My poor sweet man is pretty much out of it 99% of the time I have to change his diaper and feed him juice by syringe because he cant suck from a straw anymore. I don't think my sweet man will be with me too much longer and to tell you the truth the way he is I hope he is in the arms of Jesus soon. It breaks my heart to see him this way I know he is so not happy it just kills me. If that was not hard enough to deal with slowly loosing my sweet man piece by piece my kids are going nuts. I have a ten year old that looses her temper at the smallest thing and throws these knock out drag down tantrums what seems like a 100 times a day. My 12 year old seems to continuously lash out with this venom of an attitude that just drives me bonkers with phrases like "well that's not fair" and "why". My poor eldest just wanders around not really knowing what to do or think she is just so over whelmed. My poor mom works her hiney off to try to keep the house in order and is the unfortunate butt of a lot of the kids frustrations. I have not had a full nights sleep in probably a month or more and little to no sleep the last two weeks. Every ounce of my body and my spirit is so exhausted I am not sure how I will ever survive this.
On the way to work this evening I had to drive through a thunder storm with HUGE nasty clouds and a bunch of lightning and on the way home I had my ten year old with me (because I don't trust anyone else to handle her tantrums) and coming over the bridge we saw the most amazing sunset and I told her if we can just hang on this is how God works he makes the most beautiful sunsets from the stormiest days but oh man it is getting so hard to weather the storm.

Please be in prayer for my sweet man that is suffering will be done soon either healed and loving on us (that is our choice) or whole and healthy in the arms of Jesus. Second for Gods refreshing peace to be on the girls and Gary's family and on me.