My heart just breaks

This was a song that we had sung at our wedding. It isn't your typical wedding song but I felt really strong about this song. Marriage is not an easy thing and this conveyed the message I wanted my groom to hear. Boy I never knew how much this song has been the anthem of our marriage. We went thru the loss of a baby, several operations and illnesses of mine and three kiddos each with difficulties of their own and now Gary's Cancer. By any ones standards the last 15 years has been chock filled with soldering on both our parts.

When you are a soldier I will be your shield
I will go with you into the battlefield
And when the arrows start to fly
Take my hand and hold on tight
I will be your shield, 'cause I know how it feels
When you are a soldier

When you're tired from running
I will cheer you on
Look beside you and you'll see you're not alone
And when your strength is all but gone
I'll carry you until you're strong
And I will be your shield 'cause I know how it feels
When you're a soldier

BRIDGE
I will be the one you can cry your songs to
My eyes will share your tears
And I'll be your friend if you win
Or if you're defeated
Whenever you need me I will be here

When you're lost in darkness I will hold the light
I will help you find your way through the night
I'll remind you of the truth
And keep the flame alive in you
And I will be your shield
'Cause I know how it feels





Tonight Gary felt really bad, worse than before and he looked at me with tears in his eyes not knowing if he can fight this anymore. If the radiation stopped on Tuesday I think fight would be there but the doctors make it very clear that there will most likely need to be more radiation treatments. So you feel like that light at the end of the tunnel truly is an on coming train.

How do I hold his arms up in this fight all the time helping the girls deal with this each of who are struggling with this in different ways and home school and keep the house and grocery shop and make dinner how do I do this how can I be there for everyone and not loose my mind I can tell you our hair is growing greyer by the minute. I cant tell you how much I love that man in the other room. If you will, will you take a moment to pray for this family. Each person is having such a tough time dealing with this whole cancer thing and my poor sweet husband is in such pain it hurts my heart to see him suffer so much.

Lord please be with this family we need your strength and help to get thru this toughest trial we have ever faced.