"I praise the one who paid my debt who raised this life up from the dead" This is a line from one of the worship songs at church this morning. How appropriate for how I was feeling today. This week has been so very hard with taking Gary to the ER and having him in so much pain that all I could do is hold him and pray, nothing was helping him. Thank God the Virus that he has is just about worked out of his system but the soul tiredness I have is still there. I went to church today with the girls and left Gary home and for some reason I felt sad all morning. Is this what my future holds sitting in church alone looking at other couples hug and kiss and wanna cry cause the one I kiss and hug isn't there. I know that is silly he was just at home but the fear of him loosing this battle with cancer and leaving me alone just hit very hard today. That is when this song played and the phrase "raise this life up from the dead" means more than physical death. There is far worse than physical death. There is a spiritual death that happens when you are dealing with things like cancer or other serious life threatening diseases. To stand by helplessly and watch someone who you would gladly trade places with go through so much pain and you cant do anything something inside starts to die. I raised my hands this morning praising the God who paid the price and who raises THIS life up from the grave. He is there to hold and comfort Gary and he is there to hold and comfort me and I just have to let him.

Lord thank you for taking my fears, worries,anxieties and cancer and nailing them to the cross and I surrender to you to take this life and raises it up from the dead for your glory!!!