A synopsis of the last 4 months

Four months and 5 days ago my life changed dramatically. The man of my dreams my partner in life and ministry called me from work, he got the test results from his cat scan back and it showed cancer. CANCER where did that come from that was the last thing I was expecting.
It took me a month to be able to even say the word "cancer". I was'nt prepared for that diagnosis and I was'nt prepared for the torrent of emotions that that phone call brings. A week latter I brought him to his first oncology apt the butterflies in our stomach that day were roughly the size of hippos. I had posted on my facebook page about the apt and how afraid we were and a friend wrote back and said remember that satan comes to steal kill and destroy and the first thing he wants to steal is our joy. That is exactly what we needed to hear at the moment we now knew we had a long journey ahead of us and we needed to make a choice were we going to allow satan to steal our joy away. Satan can attack (and boy has he ever in every way) but we have the choice to look at circumstance or look to God and find some way to smile.
I would love to say that after that day I made my choice to look only to God and his promises and never doubt but I cant. There were days I would wake up strong and happy but by lunch I was in tears worrying about the "what ifs ". I would catch myself looking at Gary just so I could make sure that every inch of his face was etched into my mind so just in case the worst happen I would never forget.
We went thru several doctors and a ton of tests and 2 bone biopsies and finally some of our worst fears were realized he had Neuroendocrine cancer that had metastasised to the bone. And the last oncologist he saw told us that in his opinion he had only 2 to 3 years to live. My heart hurts even typing this. We were crushed emotionally so tired and in complete disbelief how can this healthy 40 year old be slowly dying in front of me. My kids how am I going to tell them. I would be a widow before I am 40 raising 3 teenage girls by myself . We completely fell apart that weekend sneaking away to cry in each others arms taking moments away by our self to cry out to God for help. We wondered what are we going to do. God gave us an amazing primary care doctor that called Gary that Sunday night and reminded him that doctors are not God that only God knew if he would live or die and He had his days numbered from the beginning of time. He helped us fight thru insurance red tape and got Gary an apt at a cancer clinic with a doctor that specializes in his type of cancer in Tampa. The last couple of months the storms in our life often roared so loud that hearing Gods voice was near impossible, so God found ways to break thru all that noise. In the last 4 months I have seen probably 10 of the most amazing rainbows I have ever seen and God would remind me that a rainbow is a symbol of Gods promise and HE promised he would NEVER leave or forsake us. Every time my heart was troubled and I got in my car and I mean EVERY TIME the Chris Tomlin song "I will rise" came on the radio. In that song there is a line that says (aprox) there will come a day when the clouds will be pushed away and my faith will be my eyes. I am believing my husband will be healed and we will live a long happy life together and I cannot wait for that day that my faith will be my eyes. Until that day I will run beside this awesome man I married and we will help each other on this journey with Gods help and the love and support of our church family our family and our myriad of friends.